Six months ago today my husband passed away. I’ve noticed over the last few months that around the 24th or 25th of each month, my body revs up in preparation for the 26th. I end up with unexplained tension, stress, heightened emotions & sometimes even anxiety. With still trying to get things back on track and in a routine from after Harvey, plus the start of fall baseball, I was so busy I didn’t even realize yesterday was the 25th, and yet my body was in major tension and my emotions very sensitive.
I’ve gone through a lot of the grief process already, because as a friend and mentor pointed out to me, she saw me begin my grief when we were told Jeff’s cancer was terminal. But as another friend pointed out recently to me, you can be 11 years out and still little things will hit you like a ton of bricks.
On top of all these emotions, life has been crazy recently! Fall baseball for Jacob is in full swing (see what I did there?)! This past weekend was so much fun, but exhaustively busy! Watched Jacob’s friend play boys football, watched youth students cheer at high school football game, then Jacob had his first baseball game, lead worship for kids in 2 services, watched at home the Texans nail biter & finished the weekend off with the Astros game. Still 6 months later I’m trying to finish putting our home back together, I still find remnants from hospice from time to time.
Dealing with a preteen coming into his hormones is a new one for me. We are learning to navigate through this, but when it comes to “man things” he begins to deal with, it is a constant reminder that my son doesn’t have a father at home anymore. I am so thankful for the men in our lives who are stepping up and helping me out when it comes to these things. He’s a strong one though, oh how I have seen him grow so much these six months, especially since getting into baseball. He’s getting stronger, stockier, braver & more ambitious.
Through all of this, I will continue to trust that God is always with me, always sees me, always love me. Hebrews 13:8 says “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”, I believe this, not only because the Bible is inerrant, infallible & truth, but because I have seen God’s faithfulness throughout my life, my family’s lives and my friend’s lives.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”, verse 4 goes on to say “a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”, Today I am mourning, but there are so many other days when I laugh and dance.
If you are going through a tough time, know that it is okay to go through it and have these emotions, but they should be for a season, so look for the brighter days too!